On Unschooling, Parenting, and Video Addiction
Monday, March 14, 2011 at 11:29AM The topic of video addiction came up on an unschooling list I read. I was surprised by the response given to people who, out of desperation about what to do or in reaction to their own admitted video addiction, were seeking ideas or validation for what they did. Instead, they were greeted with an unsympathetic reply largely along the lines that they were wrong to limit or deny their children unfettered access to video games, and that if there was an addiction issue it is because they weren't unschooled or they didn't do unschooling properly. Here is what I wrote:
As someone who has considerable experience in unschooling, as a friend of John Holt, publisher of Growing Without Schooling, and a father of three girls, I want to add my perspective on this discussion about video addiction.
There are no studies about whether unschooling and unfettered access to video games has a positive or negative effect on child development. However, there is considerable evidence that an unhealthy attachment to anything, be it videos, food, or getting perfect grades, can stunt emotional and physical growth and if a parent feels that such an attachment is hurting their child and seeks to do something about it they should not be banished from unschooling for doing so. If watchful waiting is no longer an option for the parents, then they should try something else and see if that helps the child and them live better together.
I support parents who decide to allow their children unfettered access to video games and I have published stories in GWS about the success of this strategy; I vividly remember one we published in the 1990s when a boy who could play videos as much as he wanted eventually decided to sell all his video games because he decided that they prevented him from spending time doing other things he wanted to do. However, I also support and published stories about parents who dealt with this issue differently, because their personalities, beliefs, and family situations are completely different, yet they, too, found a way to unschool their children. Just as one size does not fit all in school, one size does not fit all in unschooling.
Unschooling is first and foremost an educational approach. Unschooling was not created by Holt, nor propagated by my colleagues and me since Holt’s death in 1985, to be an ideological parenting method, though I think unschooling certainly informs one’s parenting. Just as we trust children to discover and learn things in their own way, so, too, can parents be trusted to figure out how unschooling will work in their family and adapt it to their relationships with each of their children. There are varieties of unschooling, such as radical unschooling, Christian unschooling, and so on, and they are all important developments for people seeking ways to learn without schooling. But the common, broader element that unites them all is the word “unschooling,” meaning we are not doing school at home with our children. That’s what unites us and makes unschooling an educational movement, as it has been since Holt coined the word in 1977. To claim that only one particular way of parenting and raising one’s children is unschooling does a disservice to Holt’s work and to all the people who are seeking, however imperfectly, to do something more meaningful with their children than schoolwork.
Reader Comments (6)
Laurette,
The link to your resource doesn't work. Can you redo it? This article sounds interesting and useful.
Thanks,
Pat
Well said, Pat. I try to encourage parents to trust themselves - as well as their children - to live the life that works best for them at that point in time.
Once one begins to question the education industry, one naturally begins to question other aspects of life. But there are no rules for this journey, and each of us must find our own path.
Behind every video game are people. Real people. And probably the best paid behavioral psychologists on the planet. They are paid handsomely to produce a product that, once used, is difficult to give up, and to provide the "platform" for sales of future similar products.
I don't like the addict language. But if I did, the formulation would be a simple one: people are being paid to figure out how to addict your kids.
There are good things that can come out of video game use, and for many people, it gives them a sense of control they may not feel in other aspects of their life. But to believe that, for kid who have problems with use (defined as allowing it get in the way of other aspects of their lives which they themselves would agree are enjoyable), that appealing to the mumbo-jumbo of "usnschooling" will deal with it, is just silly. I don't want to make it out as more than it is - it is just silly.
The day you decided not to send your kids to school, or the day you took them out, or they do you (and not the kids, but you) chose a philosophy - any philosopher - is not the same day you stopped being a parent.
Thank you, Pat Farenga, for your common sense! My kids love video games and it has been a great source of entertainment and education for them. They've gone off on rabbit trails exploring music, programming, animation. I had one son who became interested in the business behind video games and learned a lot about business and economics as a result (he and his dad used to watch the stock reports and follow the ups and downs of various companies there). My 12 year old just won a blue ribbon at a 4H contest with the topic: Are Video Games Art? So we love video games around here!
However, as a mom I got nervous when the kids weren't running around using their imagination, playing outdoors more, reading books, etc. Videogames can crowd out other rich, wholesome activities that children would naturally do but for the video games! So around here we talk a lot about how to live a balanced life. How living for one's entertainment can narrow you. How fresh air and sunshine and exercise are things growing bodies need. How reading is the age old way to broaden one's mind, etc. I want my kids to learn how to moderate themselves, but in the case of video games they definitely needed momma's input on how to learn this valuable lesson.
Thank you for this article, and for this open view of unschooling. If there was only one way of "good unschooling", we would loose all the benefit of it, because we would loose our freedom to be ourselves, as families. Thank you for all your great job.
Jo (Belgium)
Parents can be a good teacher too. But, the children will learn to socialize with other kids, and gain friends when they are in school.